I think that this week has been one of
the hardest weeks of my life. I am not incredibly busy because it is a national
holiday and I even spent some time in Qingdao with friends. However, since I
have been back in Shanghai and spending time in my apartment, I have had a lot
of time to think. You may or may not know that my grandma passed away last
Friday. She and I were very close and it has taken a toll on me being so far
from home. In the last couple of days, I have been sifting through many
memories of her and my grandfather (who we lost over ten years ago). I have
decided that I need write her a letter to say goodbye in my own way.
Dear Grandma,
I feel like I have been preparing
myself for this moment since you got sick again almost three years ago. I remember
that you were not feeling well for days and I did everything to try to get you
to eat. On Christmas Eve, you went into the hospital and then ended up in the
ICU. Justin had planned to propose to me on New Year’s Eve, but we almost
cancelled our trip, because we were not sure you were going to make it. You
were so happy when we went and returned, because you got to see my ring from
your hospital bed in the ICU. Your smile was the best thing I have ever seen.
You came through that trial, but not
without hardship, because it was then that we found out your cancer had
returned. I just knew after that, it was only a matter of time. As you bravely
fought that battle, I did what I could to help you. I spent my work lunches at
your house, took you to a few appointments that I was terrified of, and drove
you around when you needed it.
I saw you getting weaker as time passed
and my heart began to break. I remember talking on the phone with you every day
when I had a chance. One day you asked me if you should continue your
treatments. I told you that I could not make that decision for you. I just said
that you had to decide how you wanted to spend the rest of your life, fighting
or enjoying the time you had left.
Soon after, you had some complications
and had to move out of your house. Such a sad step in all of our lives, because
so many memories were made there. I could not visit you quite as often and you
began to forget a lot of what I told you. That really was the beginning of the
end and there is not much more to be said about it. Justin and I prayerfully
considered coming to China and you supported us as much as you could. However,
I would like to spend some time reliving the happy memories I have of you to
say thank you and a proper goodbye.
When I was little, I remember you and
Grandpa lived close to my preschool and would pick me up every day. I loved the
hours spent at your house while my parents worked just being spoiled by you.
You even let us live with you a while, when we needed to find a home, and
helped take care of us. I also remember spending countless hours watching
Nickelodeon and Disney at your house (we did not have cable), playing in the
sprinkler in the back yard, and picking exactly what I wanted Grandpa to cook
for breakfast. I still talk about these times with friends like I am a kid.
The holidays at your house are the best
memories I will ever have. Our family came together for Thanksgiving and
Christmas and spent a full day together there. We would eat the best meals from
the hearts of family members. We played sports together, played games together,
and the grandkids ALWAYS made a fort in the attic with booby traps. You never
complained about the mess or the craziness. You were always just happy to have
us there and made us feel loved.
As I got older, I remember getting
picked up from middle school on half days by you and Grandpa. We always stopped
and ate at Wendy’s for lunch. It was your favorite. You would take me out and I
always knew you would buy me something if I asked for it. The time was so
special to you that it did not even matter. You always attended EVERY
performance I was in and saved the program. I know that to you, I was the only
star on stage.
After Grandpa passed away, I got to
know you even more. You became such a strong woman and pressed on without the
love of your life. I cannot imagine how you felt in that time. You found out
you had Cancer the first time, not to far after that. I remember waiting in the
hospital and getting the news just before leaving for Honduras on a mission
trip.
You were always such a strong example
in your spiritual life. Up until you were no longer healthy enough to
participate, you served on the board at your church and in many committees. You
always had your church praying for my mission work and any time I saw someone
from your church, you made sure they knew I was the “missionary.” Every trip,
before I left, you made sure to slip me a check so I had what I needed for my
trip. You literally were one of my biggest supporters.
You supported me in all aspects of my
life though. When I was struggling to get my driver’s license, you were so
concerned. You called me so many times to come over and take you places, so I
could practice. One time, when we drove to Bed, Bath and Beyond, your favorite
place with the 20% off coupon (that you always used on me), we had a near death
experience. I pulled out of the parking lot across lanes of traffic and there
was no one coming. However, somehow in a split second, there was a car that I
apparently cut-off, running us off the road. They were screaming profanities
and putting up the middle finger at us. You just hollered back at them and told
me not to worry about it. You always had a fighter’s spirit.
You also were so excited to help with
my wedding, even though you were sick. You spoke to the board at your church so
we could have the wedding there. You made sure they would not charge too much
and arranged a meeting for us with the pastor. In the days leading up to the
wedding, you told me they were waxing the floors for us and you made sure
NOTHING would interfere with my big day. You worried and worried about your
dress for the wedding and did not think it matched. I assured you it was
perfect. You walked in my wedding and carried on with John, our friend who
walked you down the aisle. You were so proud to have it at your church and to
be there for my wedding. I am thankful you could be there.
My most precious memories center on
your most favorite time of the year though. I think it had something to do with
your birthday! You would plan with me to come over and lug the twenty boxes of
Christmas decorations down from your attic. We then would spend nearly two days
unpacking them and decorating. I always had to start by constructing the fake
tree, that I had to convince you was worth it. Then, you would unpack all the
ornaments that your children and grandchildren had made or given you, while I
hung the lights. After I got all the lights on the tree you would always insist
it needed more, so I would add more. We would then decide on the theme for the
tree, red, green, or gold, because you loved the fancy trees you saw on T.V.
Sometimes we had to stop and go buy ribbon or something to make it look better.
We finally hung all of the ornaments,
and then would find more that we had to make fit. It was such a beautiful tree
filled with love and memories. I also helped with all of the other decorations.
My favorite was the ice skaters operated by a fan with candles. While we
decorated, you always played the Gene Autry Christmas album on your record
player and sang along with your beautiful voice. I really believe you were the
happiest in those moments.
I literally could go on forever, but I
really think you know how much I love you. I just needed to put it in writing
for my own good and to share it with others. You have been such an inspiration
to me in my life with your strong heart and stubborn spirit. I will always
remember you and how you loved me. I look forward to dancing with you and
Grandpa in heaven someday; I just hope it is soon.
I love you Grandma! Goodbye.
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| Family :) |
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| At the Wedding |
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| Christmas day in the hospital |
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| A red year... |
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| Walking in my cousin's wedding |
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| Feeding a giraffe at Giraffe Ranch |
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